Self - Realization came very easily to me. I never sought it nor did I know to seek it. In my journeys I stumbled on satsang and as I liked spiritual gatherings I came back. My first teacher led me to realize Self in our very first conversation. It was January, 1995.
Years of unusual experiences followed where I had to purify myself and my life on every level. A great transformational process had begun. I didn't quite understand what it all was that was happening to me at the time. I didn't try to do this, it happened by itself with a strong overpowering force that overtook every aspect of my life. After years of mighty rumbling change both in awareness, attitude and life style, another several years followed where I was drawn into silence and solitude during which time I noticed a great change in how I now looked upon life, reality, the world of matter and all of it's many unfolding experiences.
I found that I was at peace with most everything and that I thought everything was very beautiful, radiant even and I had for many years already laughed at almost everything that happened. A great sense of freedom, joy and pleasure had come over me. I noticed I was becoming liberated from desire and attachment in this gradual process of change that changes consciousness and awareness. The last big letting go for me was of the resistance to what is in fact happening, when I wanted something else instead.
A powerful vibration, the presence of pure consciousness, had long since begun to flow through my body and being and was eliminating the not useful untruths in my mind and thought body and the enormous storage of old unfelt emotion. This vibration was even healing my body from years of unhealthy living and was releasing stored cell - memories of all kinds. I found the physical transformation the most difficult.
All throughout this long transformational journey I began to experience huge amounts of light, as if I was turning into a being of light and then a being of pure light and only light. It was a strange, confusing and overwhelming experience, lengthy in time. The energy of divine love, the love that is the building block of creation, the sweetest love, was then later also beginning to flow through my experience; first gently and in what seemed as small doses and later as enormous oceans of intense and overwhelming sweetness. The response was of course joy and bliss, extreme physical pleasure of ecstasy and a deep pleasurable inner peace. I now find that life as it is, is easy and delightful, as I am at all times aware of the presence of the Absolute behind all things, permeating its own creation in beautiful radiance and glory. Deep peace and everlasting enjoyment is becoming permanent.
I was not born enlightened, Self - Realized, with blue skin or with remarkable traits or any holiness. I was not even looking for this most beautiful thing called Realization. I was on a hunt for the feeling and experience of freedom. I wanted ultimate freedom and thought it was out there in the world somewhere or in having lots of money so that I could do whatever I wanted in the world. My life before this was pure agony, deep suffering and crippling pain. Now I see the world as beautiful, as the river that passes by and the glory is in the radiant presence of the Absolute in every moment. The world is no longer where I seek satisfaction, even though some experiences are fun and to my liking, but I find my peace, deep pleasure and satisfaction in the great ocean of peace within.
