GREETINGS AND WELCOME !!!

After Self - Realization, I felt unchanged entirely, as if nothing had taken place. For a long time I thought about the question "What is enlightenment really and exactly?". I wondered much ...

Years of experiencing light, love, shakti, total purification and deep transformation led me through a journey where I met with the spiritual experiences talked about in lieu of moving towards full enlightenment. Something compelled me to take notes and write everything down through these many years of much chaos. As I went along through this unfolding journey I began to see a pattern and what of my experiences were connected to the unfolding. I wish to share with you here in this brief summary my experiences, thinking that maybe you may gain some further insight into your own unfolding journey into the Great One.

My kundalini was activated in January of '93. The moment of Self - Realization took place in January of '95. Full merger, God - union, took place spontaneously in June of '01 followed by a series of samadhi experiences. Golden heart centre activation happened in 'the fall of '03 and the emerald green snake exited the third eye in the summer of '05. The kundalini reached the crown chakra and activated there the divine light in March of '07. Absorbtion into the Great Light took place in the spring of '08. And physical and energetic changes continue to occur.

During years of growth and change I moved through deep purification and transformation of mind, body and emotions and the kundalini awakening has led to and through deep personal healing, Illumination, Rapture, Ecstasy, No Mind and Divine Mother Consciousness to a state of Freedom, Love and Sublime Grace. I consider the kundalini's culmination into the crown chakra; the activation of the Divine Light in the crown, as the time of full en-light-enment.

I have posted here 20 articles about my experiences, to share with you what experiences one may move through on the road towards full enlightenment, knowing perfectly we all have our own unique way of moving through all things in life; through experiencing, learning and growing towards ultimate freedom. This is not how one will move through things or what one will experience, it's only my personal experience of my journey so far and maybe passages here and there can offer some feedback on your own journey.

By the grace and light of the ones who have gone before me,
I wish only to pay it forward . . .
that which has so generously been given to me.

In Light and Love,

Harmony Grace Elohim

A LITTLE BACKGROUND.

Born to a family of atheists, I grew up in an atmosphere completely void of any spiritual, religious or philosophical discussion or dialog of any kind. As a tiny child I was very happy, always smiling, quiet, calm and deeply contemplative. As I grew up I liked most of all to be still and listen to and observe grown - ups. My attention was turned inward by an invisible force. I was forcefully drawn to silence, stillness and contemplation. I had a deeply spiritual mind but no one to guide me. So I had to go to school, have gym class, play instruments and was expected to maintain lively social activities that all seemed very pointless and empty experiences to me. An observer, a loner and a seer, I was somewhat an unusual child.

At the age of five I had a profound near death experience where I died and came back. I was gone for a very long time. I visited a realm of light, an in - between place filled with legions of angels and came face to face with "God". Absolutely sublime and lovely sensations flooded me and when told I was to go back I completely refused three times before I was sent back to my body. Nothing looked the same from that moment on. This instantaneously opened many doors for me, intuitive and multi - dimensional. Very confused by extremely heightened multi - dimensional awareness and intensely activated intuition, I withdrew inside of myself and continued to simply observe all happenings and all of life. I became aware of things nobody else could see or feel. Mostly I sensed other people's intentions, feelings and thoughts. I had no guide or teacher in my childhood, no one to explain what had taken place or what was happening to me and nobody ever knew of my flight to the realms above. I had to find my own way.

I soon developed a passion for the paranormal, occult and metaphysical. Nothing set me on fire like discovering and researching these subjects and I really had no other interests that stimulated me in the same way. At the age of 12 I discovered reincarnation by that I all of a sudden remembered things clearly; places, situations, feelings and outcomes; a life in medieval times where I was a young girl hiding from my relatives behind heavy drapes in a stone fortress. This memory popped up for no reason at all and with no relevance to anything other than remembering and effortlessly realizing reincarnation. It seems now I was receiving intense metaphysical training from very early on.

I had a classically, severely oppressed, extremely violent and abusive childhood and teen years that taught me endurance, tenacity and observing the mind of others. As I grew up I found an interest in art, architecture, design, music, culture, adventure, travel, language, anthropology, philosophy, psychology and religion. An avid reader since childhood with a deep curiosity of all things humanistic, I was always researching other worlds and altered states of consciousness in which ever way I could find. Living with excruciating pain was not the driving force for all this as I see it, but the drive rather something in the spirit, a destiny.

In my 20's I came in contact with metaphysical thought and studies and that together with a quest for purpose set me on my course. I became trained in multi - dimensional energy work with a shamanic world view. During my travels through many countries and by living in many places, I met with many world religions, took refuge and received initiations. Observing that all schools of thought deal with all the same issues in different ways, have the same goal and ultimately try to lead to the same place, freedom; I never became attached to any one religion or philosophy. I felt they all lacked something, the freedom to move towards what I can only call ultimate Truth. As I was exploring everything that came my way I came to stumble upon a teacher and Realized immediately.

Having developed a private spiritual healing and psychic counseling practice have afforded me a lot of time to be; to delve deep into beingness, contemplation and solitude - the stillness and silence I had always craved.

SPIRITUAL BIO.

Self - Realization came very easily to me. I never sought it nor did I know to seek it. In my journeys I stumbled on satsang and as I liked spiritual gatherings I came back. My first teacher led me to realize Self in our very first conversation. It was January, 1995.

Years of unusual experiences followed where I had to purify myself and my life on every level. A great transformational process had begun. I didn't quite understand what it all was that was happening to me at the time. I didn't try to do this, it happened by itself with a strong overpowering force that overtook every aspect of my life. After years of mighty rumbling change both in awareness, attitude and life style, another several years followed where I was drawn into silence and solitude during which time I noticed a great change in how I now looked upon life, reality, the world of matter and all of it's many unfolding experiences.

I found that I was at peace with most everything and that I thought everything was very beautiful, radiant even and I had for many years already laughed at almost everything that happened. A great sense of freedom, joy and pleasure had come over me. I noticed I was becoming liberated from desire and attachment in this gradual process of change that changes consciousness and awareness. The last big letting go for me was of the resistance to what is in fact happening, when I wanted something else instead.

A powerful vibration, the presence of pure consciousness, had long since begun to flow through my body and being and was eliminating the not useful untruths in my mind and thought body and the enormous storage of old unfelt emotion. This vibration was even healing my body from years of unhealthy living and was releasing stored cell - memories of all kinds. I found the physical transformation the most difficult.

All throughout this long transformational journey I began to experience huge amounts of light, as if I was turning into a being of light and then a being of pure light and only light. It was a strange, confusing and overwhelming experience, lengthy in time. The energy of divine love, the love that is the building block of creation, the sweetest love, was then later also beginning to flow through my experience; first gently and in what seemed as small doses and later as enormous oceans of intense and overwhelming sweetness. The response was of course joy and bliss, extreme physical pleasure of ecstasy and a deep pleasurable inner peace. I now find that life as it is, is easy and delightful, as I am at all times aware of the presence of the Absolute behind all things, permeating its own creation in beautiful radiance and glory. Deep peace and everlasting enjoyment is becoming permanent.

I was not born enlightened, Self - Realized, with blue skin or with remarkable traits or any holiness. I was not even looking for this most beautiful thing called Realization. I was on a hunt for the feeling and experience of freedom. I wanted ultimate freedom and thought it was out there in the world somewhere or in having lots of money so that I could do whatever I wanted in the world. My life before this was pure agony, deep suffering and crippling pain. Now I see the world as beautiful, as the river that passes by and the glory is in the radiant presence of the Absolute in every moment. The world is no longer where I seek satisfaction, even though some experiences are fun and to my liking, but I find my peace, deep pleasure and satisfaction in the great ocean of peace within.

WHAT IS ENLIGHTENMENT?

What is enlightenment exactly? I wondered myself after Self – Realization. The experience of Self – Realization didn’t seem enough to me; it didn’t feel like enough of en experience to be calling it enlightenment. A series of unusual experiences made me take notes and write everything down for contemplation. Those experiences have led to becoming energetically lit up by the ethereal divine light and by the kundalini shakti; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The word itself, enlightenment, suggests becoming lit up, en - light - ened, being filled with light. But what does it mean for someone to become enlightened and to be enlightened? Some say Realization, a mental understanding of what is what, truth, the very being of nature and the very nature of being, is enough to say "I am enlightened". But that is only the beginning of knowledge. Others have said that one is Realized when one has certain spiritual insight, have had some transformational experiences and is pouring out powerful transformative energy that touches others and moves them forward in their growing understanding of things. But that is only certain experience.

Enlightenment is neither one nor the other alone, but lies beyond both understanding of Self and the resulting experience of the complete transformation of mind, body and emotions. Self - Realization, the complete understanding of the truth and nature of ones being, the truth and reality behind all of creation, frees the mind over time from false concepts of all the things believed and brings about an entirely new perspective. Liberation is the process of transformation that happens where thoughts, beliefs, emotions and life style patterns dissolve and one becomes able to see and experience clearly all things as they truly are. The liberating process brings freedom from suffering; desire, attachment and resistance, that comes from the total transformation of mind and emotions, ones attitude and ones feeling towards all of life. The journey through the transformational process is brought about from the vibration through creation of awakened awareness and the descension of light from the One Mind through all levels of ones whole being and leads to this purification on all levels; emptying stored thoughts and emotions from ones field and one is filled mentally, emotionally and physically with light. Illumination is when light is moving freely through all systems and is revealing mental clarity of the truth of all things. A type of culmination comes when the kundaini shakti has risen up through all the chakras and arrives at the crown chakra and activates there the dormant divine Light that is stored in the crown chakra and this Light begins to spread and shine explosively in every direction. With this comes something entirely new, that can only be experienced.

Finished Realization is the permanent and continuous awareness of and experience of the Absolute permeating and being one with creation and experiencing One at all times, making that Realization tangible and real in the story of ones life. Never forgetting and never experiencing anything other than That. Seeing the consciousness of Light in all things and that all things are in essence one and the same thing; One.

Full enlightenment comes when the kundalini shakti has moved up through all the chakras and enters the crown chakra and activates the inherent divine Light that lies dormant there. The kundalini shakti awakens this powerful Light and it begins to radiate intensely in every direction and it doesn't go by unnoticed. It is very intense, fantastic and incredible. This divine Light descends down through the chakra system and finishes what ever residue might still be present anywhere in ones being. It is easy and quick and one can feel the Light move into and though one chakra after the next and light up ones being in such a maner that it becomes absolutely impossible to ignore. It is a fantastic and completing experience that finishes the journey of transformation and purification. Yet ego death may still continue its process.

Enlightenment is the resulting opened and effortless awareness of and full energetic abidance in and as Reality, living in and as Truth entirely beyond knowledge or experience. Physical, functional and literal enlightenment, I suppose, would be when the divine Light in the crown chakra has been set free and is radiating and touching upon all of creation. Pure enlightenment doesn't feel anything, doesn't differentiate between experiences. There's no longer perception through the senses, not peace, not joy, not bliss, not ecstasy. Those are waves of the transformation and purification journey. Just a simple beingness, a void or emptiness. It is still and deep and wide and broad. Others may see or feel intense light, love or power coming through ones body and consciousness or one will not be seen at all, not be noticed, invisible, as little self is totally melted into the Whole. Free of everything, of all things absolutely. The mind is empty, the heart is on fire, the body relaxed, orientation in life is completely surrendered and one doesn’t identify any longer with anything happening in the dream, the story of life.

When perfectly empty there is a song that sings through the person on the highest note possible, like a fire forever burning turning into a very high pitch sound. Then an ocean of love spreads, as one quietly and simply just observes life. All experiences flow effortlessly through ones being and life through a deep sense of peace, enjoyment or nothingness behind them.

SELF - REALIZATION.

I was living on an island in Spain and was in no way looking for a spiritual adventure, even though I had explored new age thoughts for a while and seen how all that always kept me moving forward and onward. I was living and working at a beautiful spiritual meditation retreat center on this island. A spiritual teacher was invited to come and stay with us there for three weeks and she would be offering satsang every day. All this was entirely foreign and unfamiliar to me but I partook like every one else and heard mentioned the name of another teacher of similar kind in the U.S. This name rang a bell loudly in me and I wanted to meet her and then I forgot all about it, happy to be on a tropical island.

My goal and dream at the time was to go and live and work on Hawaii. I soon arrived on Maui and while sitting at a coffee shop I overheard a conversation at the table next to me about the teacher whose name had rang a bell. I introduced myself to these people next to me and found out that this teacher had arrived on the island a few days earlier and I got invited to a private satsang that evening. From then on I did what everyone else on the island did and frequented public satsang at least twice a week for a couple of months. I first tried to ask the teacher about love and she abruptly interrupted me and completely dismissed my question and told me that that was for sure not my question. She said my question was “who am I ?”. Confused and confounded I then had to wait until the next meeting since we were now out of time for more questions or dialog.

By the next meeting I thought I had figured something out and told the teacher about my insight and she immediately directed my attention, by asking me questions and more questions, directly into the Self. My awareness and my attention were completely There and I could see It All. I Realized that That is what was I. It was simple and immediate and also sort of a tiny, little shock as well. I thought it was so easy. I remembered that my awareness had rested in the peaceful and empty nothingness of That many times before, as a child and while growing up. It seemed so natural and it was, totally natural. In a funny way I assumed shortly after that moment that I now would see everything very differently. After satsang I drove my car to a cliff and went out and sat on a bluff overlooking the ocean. I wanted to take a moment to be by myself. I imagined that I now would be able to reach out with my hand and literally touch the sky or make the butterflies stop flying just with my mind or that I would feel really different. Well, I didn't. It was January, 1995.

Twice more I dialogued with the teacher during satsang only to be brought right back to the awareness of That and to rest in It in her presence and we had many laughs over nothing with the whole group. She asked me then to leave satsang, to not come back to satsang and to go out into the world and live satsang. I had no idea what she meant by that. I had so many questions still. I didn’t think it could be that easy. I felt no different. I knew that people spent years trying to get this and some people now also looked at me with a funny look on their faces and came up and stared at me and to say hello as I was sitting with friends at my favorite coffee place. I was very confused.

I real shift took place where all of a sudden friends and acquaintances in my community loved to be around me and loved me so much more and so much more openly and freely. Some wanted to be right next to me to get the energy they said I exuded. I did not know what so ever what this was all about. I moved to Los Angeles and after some time of settling in I found a strong new age community around the Hollywood / Sherman Oaks area. At this time I was touched my Ammachi, I should mention. During that time I was intensely happy and would have, what I called, bliss attacks, where I would laugh uncontrollably for 20 minutes straight, or longer. I received a lot of attention for energies of sweetness and love that people said came from me. People told me that a certain fragrance would fill up the room or the car when I slept or at other times when I was oblivious and at ease. All this attention and still more of it ended up really disturbing and distressing me and I ended up withdrawing from everyone and this particular social community. I could not for the life of me understand why all this should be happening to me. I was very uncomfortable with the attention.

I entered a period of several years where I was faced with everything I had ever done to another person in romantic relationships. It was brutal, devastating, hard. A violent fire burned me day and night, mind, body and emotions. I knew I was transforming but didn't know how or why or why it had to be so intense and forceful. To say it was painful is to totally minimize the experience. I didn't know it at the time, not until it was all over, that I had, through this fire, faced and burned karma. I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think sensible thoughts, I couldn't do anything, my health seriously declined and I don't think I remained entirely sane.

Then all of a sudden it came to an end. The fire stopped burning and I exited the relationship I was in and everything began to flow smoothly again. The Light grew ever stronger, ate up my whole life and consumed me. All I could do was go with it. All I have ever been able to do, when it comes to all this stuff, is to just go with it.

SAMADHI - UNION.

In the year 2001, I had many, for me at the time, unusual experiences. I had come out of a long period of severe illness in the year 2000 and had opted to stay, as it were. As I was still in the slow recovery from illness it gave me much time for contemplation in solitude. I had to pass my time any way I could.

I found some old tapes of when I was talking with the spiritual teacher of a few years earlier and when I now listened to these tapes I began to tremble, vibrate. The finest vibration overtook my whole body and I fell into deep sleep for many hours, passed out really. This strange thing happened for several days in a row as I could only listen to one side of a tape at a time before I fell unconscious for 5 – 6 hours at a time and I had about seven tapes. As I had completed the listening of these tapes I felt very much touched by and sort of lit up by some very powerful light vibration. I don't know why it came about that way. This was in the month of April.

In June, I had three rapid experiences of what I can only call merger into the One. Over a period of a few days I felt as if "I" was swooshing into and melting into the Whole. First I felt a part of "me" go, melt away, disappear. The next day I felt more of me go and a day or so later I felt myself be entirely and completely melted into the Divine, the All and All, the One. It happened very quickly and I thought it neat somehow. It felt good. It felt as if I no longer had a soul. Very shortly after this, a few days only, I had the experience of the Divine filling my body with itself, completely, as if the body now was a vessel for something else than the me; soul, self, thoughts and emotions, that were there before. It happened instantaneously, in a few seconds, like another big swoosh.

Over the next several months I would fall spontaneously into profoundly deep meditations, no matter where I was or what I was doing. It happened with such intensity that I couldn't resist it and I had to just simply go with it. I remember being over at a friend's house for tea and in the middle of our conversation, in mid - sentence, I fell into deep silence, trance almost, and non - movement. I felt it as absolute stillness and emptiness. I experienced complete Oneness, was in complete Oneness, was the Oneness. This happened anywhere at any time for about 4 - 5 months and then with less frequency for maybe up to another year or so.

During this time I was reading books that spoke of female saints in India and what they spoke of as divine nectar, overwhelming bliss and sweetness, ecstasy, intense love and such things. So far in my explorations I had not felt any such things and really wanted to know them. I wanted to know why I hadn't felt these things, love or happiness, and I wanted to know what they were and everything else connected to it. I wasn’t feeling anything. My inner questioning led me to my second teacher almost right away. This teacher radiated an incredibly powerful energy and being in his presence was really a wonderful feeling. I had come in contact with shakti and was about to begin to experience it's profound effects.

SHAKTI - POWER OF TRANSFORMATION.

Shakti is the name of the divine consort of Shiva. Shiva and Shakti in the Hindu religion represent the Absolute Reality and the Creation. Shakti is a word that means energy. It is the primordial power or essence of creation. Shakti can be described as divinity, or awakened awareness, making itself known through manifest reality as subtle vibration and can be sensed through our nervous system.

This vibration can be felt stronger in some places than in others and stronger in some people than in others. Normally someone who is conscious of the Truth of Reality emanate a strong force of shakti, but it isn't necessarily so and I have felt powerful shakti emanate from people who had not yet attained Self - Realization. My experience has been that different spiritual teachers radiate a different feeling of shakti on different volume levels and at different times.

At the moment of Self - Realization, when the mind recognizes Truth, there is an opening through the mind between the world of matter and divinity through which light, the absolutely purest light, begins to flow. It flows into creation and into ones life in the most sublime way and can be felt all around. This light flows from the well of innermost naked Reality and into life and physical reality. A connection has been made between ultimate Reality and Truth and the dream, the story that one is living in the world of matter. Light, being the very first level of manifestation of the Absolute in the world of matter, has become present as a permanent glow and experience in ones life and physical reality. The divine makes itself known in the world as light and felt as shakti and slowly it begins to change everything.

Shakti purifies completely, is a healing power, clears the mind and awakens awareness of higher spiritual truths without any verbal guidance or teachings being necessary. The intensity of shakti comes from the friction between light / nothing and matter, all matter, including the subtlest energetic forms of emotions, concepts, dreams, etc. It is a transformative power that over time dissolves illusory perceptions both mental and emotional, held stuck energy, even physical cell - memory, disease and life style challenges. This transformation is entirely energetic with results in the material realm.

I came in contact with a person, a spiritual teacher, who transmitted shakti into my life so strongly that I began to have very powerful changes happen to me on every level of my being and of my life each and every day. Soon I had spontaneously opened myself and shakti had activated itself within me and was flowing from within and through my being, through all of my systems at any time of the day and more and more often until it became a permanent and effortless flow.

The way it works that shakti dissolves and removes stuck energy or illusory complications is that the radiance frequency of shakti is of a higher vibrational speed and by resonance dissolves the patterns of illusion and attachment, removing the experiences of what is untrue and unreal from ones life, dissolving attachment to the dream to eventually leave only pure consciousness.

At the point in ones journey when the transformational process has completed itself, shakti changes its frequency to a gentler vibration that can be recognized as the pure energy of grace; a softer energy that continues to put our world in order, one piece at a time, one day at a time. In this way, awakened awareness, enlightenment, restores the world from chaos to balanced harmony.

ALCHEMY OF TRANSFORMATION.

There is a most astonishing change, a total transformation of everything imaginable, that occurs by the opening of mind that is Self - Realization. This complete transformation of human complications into divine purity is a gradual and spectacular mystical journey that happens over time. During this journey one may observe the changes as they occur and know what is logically to come later. This journey takes one through several stages of both purification and transformation. It is the light or the shakti that performs this astonishing feat. It is a dissolving into light.

In the old days, in mystery schools, students were prepared for Self - Realization by lengthy periods, years, of purifying exercises. Today, as Self - Realization has become much more available to everyone and change happens so much faster and easier, we are lucky to have public teachers that have gone before us. I have obviously seen Realization be given and ably received without any preparation and the transformation and purification happen afterwards. Some people have some experience of purification before Realizing Self but most do not. It is not necessary what so ever to have anything particular in one's background to attain Self - Realization and for the change to occur nothing is necessary other than willingness because it all happens by itself.

After Self - Realization I began to experience a profound inner cleansing. I experienced first a purifying of my mind as, over time, my thoughts and held belief systems slowly began to alter, change or release and I found myself so much more relaxed and accepting of everything. I saw desire and attachment leaving me more and more, not from any effort on my part but simply as a gentle gift. Then I began to experience a complete clearing of my emotional storage. Held emotional reactions to all experiences in my life so far were being released or lifted from my tired systems. And indeed there had been deep suffering. Pain and fear were being removed. Then began a physical restoration; my discomforts and diseases slowly and gently just vanished. After that a spontaneous clearing of my personal life soon began where I saw people and circumstances simply leaving my life, leaving a strange void, the light stripping all things that were wrong or unnecessary from my life.

Immediately after all that, after the period of purification, which took several years, I experienced light direct attention all over again into my mind and this time I experienced a profound transformation, complete change of what mind was. The mind that had been an instrument of thought, creativity, manifestation and will was now transforming into an instrument used solely for observation. Where agony had been reality, the empty mind registers awakened awareness as peace. A similar transformation of my emotional body followed. Where my emotional body had been an instrument of feeling intense reactionary responses through the emotional system from all sorts of unattractive, difficult or pleasant thoughts, Truth was now registering nakedly through the natural and empty emotional body as bliss, sometimes intense and sometimes calm and tranquil. The intense light pushed on to and through the physical body on a molecular and cellular level and began to erase all cell - memory and any cellularly stored goop. All the body's channels, centers and meridians had to open completely for the light to be present to the fullest extent. Light wanted to live in the physical body supremely on an intensely intimate level. (This part was very difficult for me and I had to assist the body with Chinese herbs to prevent chi stagnation and encourage strong flow of energy through all systems.) The body formerly used as transportation mechanism of thought and emotion was now becoming a vessel and vehicle for pure light. The physical body registers truth in matter as ecstasy. Then a change of life and life style began to happen to make also my external life a reflection of all the internal changes, to bring on my real life. During this process tremendous chaos, turmoil, darkness, life style break down, havoc and upheaval surrounded my person and I felt as if I was the only sane person surrounded by possession and serious craziness. As I had allowed the flow of this power to move through all levels of my being I was now forced to allow it to simply move through all areas of my life, while just standing still in the eye of the hurricane. Slowly a graceful, harmonious, balanced, joyful, purposeful, prosperous and loving life reveals itself, a life that makes sense, a life of service, creativity and personal fulfillment begin to build up around oneself. It takes patience and letting go of control. The kundalini affects all areas of life, internal and external, for absolute and total change. By this process, full actualization includes both a spiritual actualization as well as eventually worldly actualization.

This is a journey of personal as well as spiritual growth and transformation. With shakti and grace it happens effortlessly and no discipline is necessary even though silence, solitude, meditation and time spent in nature are helpful once it has begun. Ones life will arrange itself to accommodate the fulfillment of these experiences. As a result of letting go and surrendering ego tendencies one ends up with an clear mind, open and loving heart, patience, acceptance, peace, joy, generosity, gratitude, happiness, ease, relaxation, easy - going and a preference for living in the moment.

EGO DEATH.

Ego is the little self, the individualized unit of consciousness, the drop before it hits the ocean . . . before it merges with the Whole, the Great One . . . that eventually dissolves in God - Union, which is the depth and totality of ego death.

The ego is often full of thoughts, emotions, will, desire and such that over time dissolve by raising ones vibration by absorbing light, shakti or energy through energy work.

Ego creates distractions for the awareness from what is real. When the distractions are removed, naked awareness of Ultimate Reality remains.

Ego is the perception and experience that one is separate from the Greater Whole and reacts from division and usually fear which leads to fighting and trying. Ego as the little self, is all that we believe is us. It is saturated with thoughts, emotions, feelings, beliefs, concepts, stagnant memories, behaviour, reactions, habits, fear, will, desire, false impressions, hope, holding on to possessions, controlling people and life, resistance and so on. Freedom from ego and ego tendencies is a gradual process, liberation comes when all these concepts have been dissolved into the light and light and truth is revealed to both the mind and the feeling senses.

As one is going through the transformational journey all reactions, current ones and the ones still lingering inside suppressed from the past, are brought to the surface to be released and are then experienced strongly and quite overwhelmingly. This is happening to all people whether they are aware of it or not. Some people choose to pay attention to this overwhelming process and take care of it to the best of their ability. To feel ones feelings, to try to be still and quiet, eating well, having a balanced diet, living stress free and many other things are extremely helpful in order to allow these reactionary waves to pass through; spending time in nature, quiet time reflecting, contemplating and meditating and so on. As we allow the movement of these uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to move through our system they are in fact lifting off of us and leaving us for good. What then remains in their place is light and love, our one true nature.

When one is in the presence of strong light or a higher vibration the surfacing of old patterns accelerate and are felt more strongly. There is often then a strong reaction to the circumstances or persons around. People’s reactions to light and grace can be either positive; grateful, appreciative, loving and adoring, or negative. When old beliefs are challenged and broken down a current of "war" is often expressed as rebellion, defensiveness, hostility, hatred, anger, emotional violence, dislike of people and the world, aggressiveness, confrontation, desperation, pain, sadness and grief. It rises up as a smoking volcano and spills over little by little as personality dies. This is a part of ego death, ego dying.

The dissolution into the One and the cleansing of concepts results in this process that is called divinization, as all is removed until there is nothing left but light. All false impressions are dissolved in and by this light until only naked reality remains as love and as light in the mental and emotional bodies. It, of course, brings a total transformation of attitude. The transformation of mental ego into pure heart space is gradual, happens in waves and is very frustrating and confusing. One may know better but still cannot help reacting to situations. When it happens one just needs to be still and let it pass, let the upheaval and disturbance of it just pass as it is dying away. One then needs to take care of oneself by being still and resting. One can speed up this process by intentionally add more light to ones being and systems through meditation, satsang, contemplation, pure diet and so on.

We all go through this now in these our times and no one should take the reactions personally. Especially people who carry a lot of light must know that there will be unprovoked adverse reactions to their mere presence and existence. This rebellion often takes place in audiences with a Satguru, in satsang. I have seen quite violent reactions to my guru's truth. If a person with an active light - body insists and pushes on a person who is in the process of a dying ego, the reactions will only escalate and real conflict or violence will ensue. The best way to be, for someone who carries a lot of light, is to be calm, tranquil, silent and passive until there is an invitation to speak and to be gentle in all ways.

Egolesness is a result of God - Union and gradual purification of tendencies, which brings the knowing, perception and experience that All is One, everything is connected to everything, everything belongs to everything, everything fits and all things have totally equal value in the Oneness. With this comes not only understanding but peace, deep and perfect, which leads to an easy surrender and going with the flow.

FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING.

Imagine freedom from all suffering. Imagine always being emotionally content, happy, and ecstatic, in bliss and euphoric love all the time. Imagine things working out in a graceful flow as prosperity always. Well, it is possible and it remains ones experience permanently ever after.

Freedom from suffering happens when all feelings and thoughts are dissolved into light and ones life is flowing perfectly and one is able to recognize the perfect flow of all things.

Freedom becomes permanent after the process of going through the waves of experiencing the freedom and rolling back into experiencing old feelings and then the freedom again and then the old feelings and so on for quite some time. Each time that one feels the agony and contraction and allows the light to flow into those feelings they dissolve and are gone forever. This takes place in waves so as not to overwhelm the physiological systems. It's a gradual evolving into more light that frees one from the old experiences.

Suffering is in its foundation caused simply by the lack of acceptance of what is. It is the lack of acceptance of what is that ends up causing blocked energy flows, negative thinking, emotional disturbance and pain, relationship problems, physical pain, material lack, ill health and eventually rapid decline and death. To not be irritated at creation takes a lot of change of mind. When mind is empty and truth reveals itself perfectly and how things really are is revealed, then anger cannot be produced, only love and acceptance remains.

As reactionary feelings arise throughout the journey from stored past, the subconscious, or non - accepting reactions to the moment, it is helpful to not judge the experience of it. Each time it is just light moving into this shadowed area and lighting it up and setting it all free. On the days one doesn't feel good is when light is moving into the shadow and is moving in the unreleased, held or stuck patterns and is dissolving them. One is not to hold on to anything and not to force anything, just simply be in perfect acceptance of all things as they are even as one is placing effort on changing them. Discomfort soon dissipates and the reality of blissful truth, light and love is felt again. This all becomes easy when one sees the world as it is, as a perfect manifestation of the Divine. This is a lengthy process that takes many years and one may observe the gain of more and more freedom from previous suffering as time goes by and one becomes used to the ebb and flow of the experiences and may observe the changes of ones life.

Growing acceptance of what is offers deep freedom from holding on, from desire, will, thought, attachment and resistance, all which usually cause such agony for so many people. Acceptance means total letting go of trying to control the flow of things. One may hold an image of what one wants an outcome to be, a goal for example, and one may reach or achieve it or one may not. The letting go is what one ought to practice along the way while moving towards that goal. Acceptance leads one to be in the moment and to surrender all emotional reactions to what is.

From this and through this process one begins to automatically develop the experience of compassion, patience, love, forgiveness, internal and external harmony, inner peace, easy acceptance and happiness. Happiness comes from freedom from emotional impulses and emotional baggage and the acceptance of surroundings, people and all occurrences. There is an attitudinal change that occurs and that give such warm comfort to one.

The growing forgiveness of all things is a freedom in itself and acts like a balm for the tired soul that has battled with wills and opinions for so long. Growing forgiveness comes from knowing they truly know no better and accepting people for what and as they truly are. Gratitude is the attitude that develops as one begins to see things differently. As acceptance develops as one lets go of patterns and beliefs, one finds a great peace. Kindness, helpfulness, service, selflessness, faith, humility and love are birthed out of the experience of all this change and it is all easy when you feel good. When all emotional baggage is dissolved, one can take any life experience and any circumstance with a smile and with peace. And it all comes from acceptance, pure and simple.

DIVINE MOTHER CONSCIOUSNESS.

One day, I was at a friend's house in Los Angeles sitting on his red couch looking at an oil painting of a sunset over mountains, just sitting there silently by myself, simply relaxing and thinking of nothing at all. Suddenly it was as if I was drawn into the painting, drawn deeply into the light of the sunset in the painting, then into the real light and far beyond it. Then I was coming out on the other side of it and here it was more than profoundly sweet. I knew I had been drawn into the realm of the Divine Mother.

Immediately I could see that the images and concepts I had had of God, consciousness and the divine now appeared totally flat, dull, tiny, limited and boring to me, compared to this new realm of incredibly intense light and color and the most sublime sweetness ever imaginable, not even imaginable, but possible to experience. As they say in India; God is the tip of one eye lash of the Divine Mother, the rim of the nail on her little toe. The world is her love, her loving, her loving thought, her breath, her heartbeat. In the emptiness of the vessel, all that expresses itself is the Mother. Mother is love and Mother does love.

Even though many refer to an enlightened one as Divine Mother, Divine Mother is not an entity or being or God. Divine Mother is a frequency, an energy vibration, the highest and most expansive state of awakeness within creation. It is the ultimate vibrational reality before the void, in the void. Divine Mother is everything that is manifest, on every dimension and on every level and beyond. It is a state of mind and heart of complete openness. Divine Mother is supreme awakened consciousness and heart. The vibration of Divine Mother reality is sensed by the human heart as Godly; pure supreme Goddess, same today as in ancient times.

From all my experiences, I have begun to see everything very differently. My mind has opened to seeing the physical reality as a vibration of extreme beauty and only extreme beauty. Waves of bliss have flooded my systems and I have swooned in ecstasy. A deep sense of peace and surrender has come over me and my mind and my heart has opened further to grace. I have come to see the world of matter entirely as an expression of the Divine. Absolute Reality being the container, feeder and creator of the world of matter that we know as reality. Entirely at peace, I see all things that happen as a reflection of the will, thought and idea of the Divine. The Divine being all, not only the void but also its own expression, creation, our physical reality.

The divine moves as us; our thoughts, our actions, our will and resistances, our deaths, our rebirths, our art, our children and our failures, as nature, as creation. Everything is pure expression of the Ultimate Reality and is in itself ultimate perfection, absolute order and perfection.

I think God is the Mother. I think God is really Goddess, the Great Mother of all things. I think God is beyond "me" or "I". Even the fully Realized and Enlightened is only a part of God - the Mother. Fully and totally absorbed by Her and fully and totally embodied by Her, ones mind or ones will, ones creative power or ones vision is not Her Total Power. I think Mother is greater than all of us. I think Mother watches over us / me. I think Mother is infinitely loving and She knows my wishes, my heart, my inner deeper more secret desires, my purpose and my destiny. I think She arranges what is best for it all to unfold - my wishes and my destiny. All I have to do is let go and let God, watch what rolls around, what comes, what appears. Mother's Power is Supreme and Great and many million times Greater and more Powerful than I or the One present in me.

GRACE - STATE OF PURE BEING.

Grace. What is grace? Grace is the highest frequency of the finest vibration of positive energy. Grace is the finest vibration of Truth in essence and in matter. Grace is the finest and purest vibration in matter. Grace is the very first vibration of manifest reality.

Grace is the cleanest and purest our consciousness becomes before it dissolves into nothingness. Grace is the everlasting eternal blessing from the supreme divine consciousness; it's the Divine Mother's essence. Grace is a permanent state of good blessings, good fortune, God in disguise. Grace is always present, as a pure, divine blessing force that when called upon consciously can bring salvation from pain and suffering, from whatever problem.

Grace is the everlasting and pure form of divine consciousness that lands oneself into the mystery of transformation. The pure effect of this consciousness is in effect the true Self. When a person has gone through the totality of cleansing and purification from all stored notions, illusions, concepts, stored emotion and all patterns registered in the human energy / electromagnetic field, the only thing that remains then within the form and field of energy is the energy of pure grace.

The state of grace is a blessing force that then radiates outwards into creation freely and effortlessly. As the transformation of illusory awareness towards awakened awareness continues, the energy of grace is a living part of this transformation. From the very first moment of catching a glimpse of True Reality, a great blessing is taking place as the movement of infinite grace continues through all of one's life, Known or unknown, visibly or invisibly.

The essence of Truth makes itself known through vibrations such as shakti and then later, as one has become more pure, as grace. When one is totally empty only light passes through the being and radiates through the form in all directions even back in on itself. When this occurs one is totally free and in the purely enlightened state. This state of purity is the last state, last vestige of the transformational journey. All has been taken care of and all is well, in order and in perfection. When all vibration has died down one is free and purely an instrument of light and light only. Such a state of freedom and good feelings too!! When one is in this state only love can be felt. Bliss is still an experience of subtler realities of higher consciousness. Love is the action of divinity and is felt throughout the pure state of nothingness, emptiness, the vehicle that your awakened consciousness / awareness have become. Freedom from all attachments and sufferings is the sublime result.

PERFECT PARADISE.

As one awakens, one begins to become aware of how things really are in essence in the world of matter, in creation, how creation works and is built. All things begin to appear very funny. Laughter easily becomes the response to almost every situation no matter what it is and no matter how one reacted to it in the past.

Everything becomes much, much lighter and easier to deal with. The empty and naked awareness of the newborn babe one once were is again resumed and awe and wonder engulfs one's perception. A great joy begins to permeate every single experience. The joy and later on intense bliss cannot be controlled or suppressed and one may receive awkward reactions from those who still react to the world from duality and separation.

At one point when my life wasn't looking too good; I had lost everything, my life as I knew it had suddenly, absolutely, totally and completely ended and I was totally in an in - between place, with no direction, no clue and no means what so ever; I woke up one morning and saw absolutely clearly that all was paradise. I knew that no one had ever left Eden and we all had always been in Eden. All was well and not only well but sublimely perfect in all ways. Waking up to the total realization that all is as it is supposed to be on the deepest level possible.

The radiance, beauty and perfection continue to be the everlasting experience in which ever way I turn my attention. The experience of totally surrendering everything, surrendering control, is something that took me many, many years. I had to slowly and gradually allow for my beliefs to change; the way I thought the world was, how I thought things worked and how I thought things ought to be. It was not an easy journey in any way. I shouted, fought, rebelled, resisted, tried harder, pouted, cried, laid down and refused and so on. I used to look upon things in a very fragmented way and thought that if I just did the right thing, which I never knew what it was, I would have exactly and precisely what I wanted when I wanted it. I have learned now to let go, which I believe is the only spiritual practice necessary, over time, little by little, one piece at a time, one idea at a time. Now I am able to see creation as it is, in its splendor and glory, simply as the river that gently flows by, as described in Herman Hesse's book Siddhartha.

A radiance of beauty shines out from all matter, all material things, and one becomes aware of this intense beauty shining through everything; concrete pillars, metal tables, butterflies, trees, people, food, sky, walls, water. Absolutely everything in the world vibrates with sublime and intense beauty and all of a sudden one becomes aware of this intense radiance and vibration. It is as if Truth radiates itself through every material thing. Awe and intense gratitude permanently overwhelms the senses.

External life will always move in ways that are sometimes pleasing and sometimes not. Full and complete Realization ends in the total and deep enjoyment of all things in creation, the sensations of extreme pleasure for no reason overwhelms the senses and perception. I no longer try to find and hold on to external experiences that are oh so fleeting, with the hope that they will make me happy, but instead find deepest satisfaction and pleasure in the realms beyond appearances. The world of matter, as it is, is as well purely divine and one may fully enjoy it to the utmost extreme by living in Reality, Perfection, Truth, the Absolute.

THE KUNDALINI EXPERIENCE.

Kundalini is a Sanskrit word that means “coiled up like a snake”. It is a name used for the vital power, the additional life force energy that is, when dormant, located in the body at the base of the spine. The kundalini energy can be made to rise and move upwards through specific channels inside the spine. When it does it passes through, cleanses, fills, activates and connects all the chakras and eventually reaches the crown chakra at the top of the scull, then begins to flow outward powerfully in every direction. A powerful addition of life force / light / energy has now flooded and saturated the body and all its systems.

What exactly it is that makes this happen is unknown (to me at this time). For myself it was the immense light from my guru, being in it and being touched and saturated by it on the deepest levels. Yoga has been tremendously helpful. One can focus on this process and assist in its occurrence by the practice of yoga. Yoga postures assist in the opening of energy channels both in the body and in the energy field. The flow of energy that takes place during yoga aligns ones energy fields and brings about a new wholeness by restoring profound physical and energetic balance.

The flowing of the kundalini energy upward through the spine and chakras initiates a process of vibrational change that brings both personal and spiritual development. During this period energy moves through all systems and changes them into containers for a higher frequency which adds to the transformation of ones whole being. As all systems receive light in this way they open up and allow for even stronger streaming of light through them; there is a transformational process that takes place in the whole being, on every level, including life. One will observe growing and gradual changes in consciousness, awareness, behavior, attitude, needs, relationships and life style. One becomes strongly light filled, enlightened, and this can be noticed in those who have gone through the process and can be clearly observed as an unusual and powerful light or glow that now seems to fill them and shine out from them in every direction.

I have observed that my life moved me through certain passages that dealt with what each chakra represents. Each chakra represented a certain life experience. As kundalini stirred and began to move I spent some time figuring out what to do with my life, finding my work and function in life (root chakra) and then came three years where I went through powerful sexual healing (second chakra). After that came a three year period where I learned who I was and what I liked and didn’t like and sorted out my place in the world, where I fit in socially (solar plexus chakra). Then followed a profoundly light filled time, also three years, where I experienced overwhelmingly the Divine Mother consciousness and explosive, rapturous love and bliss (heart chakra). This was followed by a period where I began to work on all cylinders to create a new life for myself (throat chakra) followed by a period where my writing seemed to just happen by itself as if channeled (third eye chakra). Even thought these times were compartmentalized in time in three year intervals, they also flowed into one another as the light kept moving up through the whole system.

Some of my experiences stand out in my memory as quite out of the ordinary, energetic experiences that took place very suddenly with seemingly nothing leading up to them. These experiences were all a part of the extraordinary and powerful openings of my energy systems.

In the fall of '02, sitting quietly one night in a comfortable chair by an old woman's sick bed, all of a sudden I felt my heart activate overwhelmingly and powerfully and fill with an immense golden energy, golden light. This golden ball of energy and light slowly grew and expanded to encompass my entire body and surrounded my whole body in a field of a massive golden glow. I sat silently in this energy for as long as it was present, several hours.

In the summer of '05, I had two experiences with the spine. First I could feel strong activity in the base of my spine and light shooting out the top of my head like a volcanic eruption. Connecting between the two was a straight column or cylinder about 4 - 5 inches in diameter through which this energy or light passed. A few days later I saw an emerald green snake / serpent about 3/4 inch wide, with the very end of its tail in my root chakra, raising up straight through my chakras and exiting its head through my forehead at the third eye, coming out about 2 - 3 inches in front of my forehead. It was as if it was swaying slightly but at the same time it was still. My body jerked a couple of times and then it was adjusted. It was a very strong sensation and I also felt something in my eyes, a buzz, a shift, a strengthening. Whenever I thought about it in the following few days, I could still feel and see the snake coming out of my forehead.

In the beginning of 2007 I woke up one morning with nausea and dizziness that lasted about three days. Then I became aware of a tremendous Light that I felt was descending upon me and around me. For days I couldn't figure out what it was and why it was happening. My body spontaneously twisted and moved in unusual ways at times that I felt was making it easier for the Light to move downward and deeper into my being. After about a week of this I realized that my kundalini had entered my crown chakra and had activated the inherent divine Light stored there which had now begun to expand and saturate my whole being. I experienced a total coming together of all previous experiences into a whole new level of mental freedom. I felt very glowy and high even. It totally changed my perspective into an even more full Oneness.

The process of the rising of the kundalini manifests an unusual and complete change of everything, ones person and ones life. It is a gradual experience that takes place over the period of several years; for some it takes months or weeks and for some it takes decades or life times. The result of the kundalini rising is healing, change, illumination, activation and enlightenment. After the rising is complete this energy begins to expand outwardly from the whole body and begin to affect others.

NO MIND.

Something that is spoken about in tangent to enlightenment and Self - Realization is the concept of no mind, the no mind experience. Many times I've heard people say one ought to concentrate and control ones thoughts to the extent of experiencing no mind, that behind all thoughts can the no mind be found. Just as I also heard people say one should master oneself enough to be able to overcome attachment, desire and emotions as well as thoughts, as if this all can truly be willed with enough effort. I must say that was not my experience. Detachment, desirelesness and no mind cannot be forced. They are experiences of the freedom that organically over time and after the transformation become ones reality. One is not to try to be in no mind, one day one will just not have a mind as one knew it anymore. A massive change will have taken place with ones consciousness and energy fields so that mind is no longer registered as a function, mind actually and literally dissolves, not just its function but its very design.

As I turned towards a spiritual life, even though I didn't plan to do that it happened to me automatically and forcefully, I experienced as I have explained, effortless and massive transformation of all that makes up a human being; energy bodies, soul, consciousness, awareness and the results being very clearly noticed complete changes in all these fields. The no mind experience, as a result of continued dissolution of beingness, was simply a result of no effort, a result of continuing on with allowing it all to happen to me. I didn’t have any choice in it. It all happened by itself.

I never attempted to loose my mind or to have my mind dissolved. I didn't even think of it until I realized that for many months I hadn't been able to think. My mind had been blown apart, crushed into a million little shards and every little tiny piece of it had melted and dissolved and trickled away into the Nothing. I kept forgetting this and tried to think, tried to know, tried to see, tried to figure and it just didn't work the same as before and it made me plenty frustrated. I couldn't perceive, I couldn't plan and I couldn't remember. Nothing at all worked like it used to. Linear time was blown away. There had been a dissolution and change of what mind was or used to be. Just as the being had dissolved and merged with the Absolute on an energetic, fundamental level and the soul had disappeared, that which makes up mind, the mental body's functions, had cracked, completely dissolved and merged back into the Absolute reality, into the One. The mind and the Absolute had become one. One and the same in essence and make - up one could say but it is really that mind had disappeared, swallowed up by nothing.

Thoughts still appear to happen and conversations take place, feelings arise and disappear but leave no mark on anything what so ever, hardly even memory. Mind no longer functions as before, as it was the landscape upon which thoughts happen, the blank canvas that was luminous in itself. Mind doesn't move thoughts across the field of itself but rather is awareness that motions itself, awareness, into stillness and truth no matter the experiences surrounding the body. Awareness resting in itself.

I can now only observe, if even that sometimes. I thought I'd observe creation but find that awareness rests in the Nothing, in the Absolute at all times, absolutely peaceful, absorbed by it. Even just simply watching the unfoldment of the world pass by as a creation of the divine itself doesn't take place much of the time, it’s too hard, too difficult, takes too much energy. The focus is not on the world of matter anymore but rests in the invisible and the unspoken, drenched in the empty void, in the Nothing, swims in and relaxes in, rests in that Reality that cannot be described or put into words.

RAPTUROUS LOVE.

I have seen people wanting enlightenment with the idea that they will have a perfect and easy life and only good feelings, happiness eternally. I have seen people imagine that they will have this instantaneously and magically, that it's given to them by some other person or withheld from them by life. Full enlightenment doesn't happen in a flash or overnight. It's not an “aha” experience. It is so much more than that. With patience and allowing the transformation to take place, to take it's time to become full and complete, ease will be the result. Ease is the experience that comes from totally letting go and from the deepest acceptance of what is, and that in itself comes through gradual change.

In '94 I lived at a retreat center on a Spanish island in the Atlantic Ocean off of the coast of Africa. The center had invited a teacher, Shantimayi, to come and stay at the center for three weeks. She offered satsang twice a day and my first question to her had been "what is love?". She had then asked me to go and sit by the ocean and ask the question again, to ask the ocean. So this I did and later that week came the answer from within that love was not a feeling or emotion, but that love was the building block of this universe.

Overwhelming and powerful love is experienced off and on in waves all throughout the transformational journey and is intense only when the systems aren't absolutely clear. When one has reached pure emptiness, perfectly at peace with this world, love will become a rapturous and gentle sensuous experience through the whole beingness, consciousness and awareness. The emptiness is flooded with love.

What love is, where it comes from, why it flows here or what to do with it remains the mystery. But when all centers and meridians are open and clear, the cellular structure and chambers clear, there is a sense through the complete being, sensations of love, pure and simple. It's not overwhelming or awe - inspiring, but it is simple, natural and easy, like natural breath. And then again it can be overwhelming, massive and awe - inspiring when perceived through the mind. When perceived through the being, it's the natural state.

The sensation is not that one is in love with any one person, place or thing, but with All, One with every place, every person and every thing. All senses are now one sense only and perceive only One. This oneness is experienced sometimes in deep love, galactic love. This experience of love will only grow and expand rapturously and easily. It’s like falling in love with everything, then it deepens and widens.

Love is not enlightenment; rapturous love is the result, the finest gift of enlightenment. It’s a new and fresh state of being, a new way of living. In this state of newness spontaneous kindness, great joy, gladness and a joyful interest in life and all that comes one's way is now endlessly arising. There is an endless outpouring of never ending affection for everything.