Thursday, April 5, 2007


In the year 2001, I had many, for me at the time, unusual experiences. I had come out of a long period of severe illness in the year 2000 and had opted to stay, as it were. As I was still in the slow recovery from illness it gave me much time for contemplation in solitude. I had to pass my time any way I could.

I found some old tapes of when I was talking with the spiritual teacher of a few years earlier and when I now listened to these tapes I began to tremble, vibrate. The finest vibration overtook my whole body and I fell into deep sleep for many hours, passed out really. This strange thing happened for several days in a row as I could only listen to one side of a tape at a time before I fell unconscious for 5 – 6 hours at a time and I had about seven tapes. As I had completed the listening of these tapes I felt very much touched by and sort of lit up by some very powerful light vibration. I don't know why it came about that way. This was in the month of April.

In June, I had three rapid experiences of what I can only call merger into the One. Over a period of a few days I felt as if "I" was swooshing into and melting into the Whole. First I felt a part of "me" go, melt away, disappear. The next day I felt more of me go and a day or so later I felt myself be entirely and completely melted into the Divine, the All and All, the One. It happened very quickly and I thought it neat somehow. It felt good. It felt as if I no longer had a soul. Very shortly after this, a few days only, I had the experience of the Divine filling my body with itself, completely, as if the body now was a vessel for something else than the me; soul, self, thoughts and emotions, that were there before. It happened instantaneously, in a few seconds, like another big swoosh.

Over the next several months I would fall spontaneously into profoundly deep meditations, no matter where I was or what I was doing. It happened with such intensity that I couldn't resist it and I had to just simply go with it. I remember being over at a friend's house for tea and in the middle of our conversation, in mid - sentence, I fell into deep silence, trance almost, and non - movement. I felt it as absolute stillness and emptiness. I experienced complete Oneness, was in complete Oneness, was the Oneness. This happened anywhere at any time for about 4 - 5 months and then with less frequency for maybe up to another year or so.

During this time I was reading books that spoke of female saints in India and what they spoke of as divine nectar, overwhelming bliss and sweetness, ecstasy, intense love and such things. So far in my explorations I had not felt any such things and really wanted to know them. I wanted to know why I hadn't felt these things, love or happiness, and I wanted to know what they were and everything else connected to it. I wasn’t feeling anything. My inner questioning led me to my second teacher almost right away. This teacher radiated an incredibly powerful energy and being in his presence was really a wonderful feeling. I had come in contact with shakti and was about to begin to experience it's profound effects.